I love our neighbors to the north, endless outdoor fun, progressive thinking, and an affinity for things of a more “crunchy” nature. But as a 5th-generation Californian, it is ingrained in my head to fear and mistrust the oppressive dictatorship and hate machine the Oregonians run (the California public school system starts this process in the second grade), as they steal children in the middle of the night and brainwash them into Birkenstock-wearing slave labor and questionable physical hygiene boot camps.
So it comes as some surprise that the Oregon State House of Representatives is introducing a bill to allow motorcycle riders, ages 21 and over, the choice of whether they want to ride with helmets or not (an act that misguided tea party wannabes equate with freedom on the open road).
Bear in mind that this is a state that doesn’t even let automobile drivers pump their own gas (a puzzle to just about any driver from California, Washington, and Idaho that wanders past the DMZ into Oregon’s sovereign socialist nation). Clearly Oregonian legislatures realize that their citizens are not capable of completing a task the 48 other states have entrusted to their residents.
However Oregon is in good company on that issue, as New Jersey, the crown jewel of the Union, is the only other state with citizens incapable of operating a gas pump with a motor vehicle nearby (non-vehicle spontaneous gasoline fights are apparently still game, Zoolander style), which should come as no surprise to anyone that’s seen the reality television show Jersey Shore.
Despite all this, the no helmet law circus has made its latest stop in the Beaver State. Do you trust the safety of their heads to Oregonian riders? Chime in with a comment, God knows I did.